The Quiet Ones

Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash

"Why are you so quiet?" That's a question I hear a lot. Yes, why am I so quiet, when everyone else seems happy walking around, sharing stories with each other? But here I am, just… quiet.

This isn't the only question people ask me. I get others with different flavours: "You are so serious," "You isolate yourself too much," "Why don't you say something?" Over time, I have come to realize the core question is always the same: "Why don't you vibe like most people? It's not cool."

For years, my response was, "This isn't good. I must lack social skills. Something is wrong with me, and I need to fix it." As a result, I tried to force myself to engage in conversations just so others could see that I could talk too. It felt like something I was supposed to do.

But before we dive deeper, let me give you a little surprise that flips all of this upside down. Come with me, in secret, and see what I'm like when I'm talking with friends about science hacks for studying, or how spacecrafts will take us far into space, or other nerdy stuff I am interested in. You won't recognize me—I won't be the "quiet, serious" guy you think you know. In fact, you might wonder, "Wait, wasn't this guy supposed to be the quiet one? Why is he talking so much now?" It confused me too for a long time.

You know why? Because we were wrong all along. There is nothing wrong with me—or with us, for that matter. Maybe you have experienced something similar, or you know someone who is "too quiet." But here is the truth: There's nothing to fix in us. It's just how we are. We are different. We are the quiet ones, or technically you can call us introverts.

I came to this realization after researching why I couldn't be as outgoing as others (a two decades question I lived with). And you know what? It turns out I am perfectly normal. I found out that introversion is a personality type, and that different people operate in different ways. What was wrong was not me—it was the society around me that didn't understand these differences. Being the quiet one in the room is completely normal.

In psychology, people are generally categorized as introverts or extroverts. Of course, there are further classifications, but today we will stick to these two main types (though some people fall in between, known as ambiverts, with traits of both). The classification comes down to social interactions. Introverts, like me, find social interactions draining. We need time alone to recharge. We might not talk much, avoid crowds, or seem more serious because of how our brains are wired. But get us into a deep conversation about something we care about, and we can talk for hours.

Extroverts, on the other hand, thrive on social interactions. They gain energy from talking, being around people, and socializing. That's why introverts can sometimes seem boring to them. And while shyness and introversion are often confused, they are not the same thing. Shyness comes from a fear of being judged in social situations, while introversion is simply a preference for less social stimulation. In fact, some extroverts can be shy too.

Now, I'll admit, there is a part of me that wants to write the next section of this essay as a playful "revenge" on extroverts for making us feel like something was wrong with us. I could compensate for all the lost time and discomfort they caused us introverts. But I'm just joking—don't take that seriously! My real message is this: we need to know ourselves and embrace who we are, because there is strength in being true to ourselves especially for college students who are surrounded with different kind of people.

I wish I had realized all of this sooner, back when I was in school trying to "fix" myself. Knowing what I know now, I am more confident and comfortable in my own skin. And I hope this helps you feel the same.

#moreExposure #buildUpSkills

Thanks to my sister Joyce for reading drafts of this.